I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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