The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
