Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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