does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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