And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
