Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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