Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize