Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
