the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
