not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
