I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
