I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
