Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
