Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize