Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i love accidental penises.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
