He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
