Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
