so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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