Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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