It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Text me some of your sweat
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
