Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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