I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
