Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
