you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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