I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
