thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Congratulations! We have a period
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