My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
