this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
