It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
