As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
