I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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