somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
