Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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