Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize