I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have post one night stand depression
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
