She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
