Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
