Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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