i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
