So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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