dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
