just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
