I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
