I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize