honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
