i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize