its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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