I looked at my own cervix.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
