From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
