Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I want to be your penis for a week.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
