I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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