Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize