Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Actions speak louder than pants.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
