In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
