Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
