dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
