Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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