Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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