they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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