the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
