a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
