omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Someone signed my nipple.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
