yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
