I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
