somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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