Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
