Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize