She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I will be naked everywhere
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
