hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
