it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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