I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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