You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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