At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
