Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
