WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
