I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
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