Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
