It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
