Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
did i just pee glitter
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
