He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize