i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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