be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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