Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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