If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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