glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
