My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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