What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
