So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
