I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize