Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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