New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
