Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize