I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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