We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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