please come you make the beer taste better
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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