My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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