everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
