I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
