You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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