Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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